UP Diliman: Academic Calendar Shift

There was a forum earlier in which the University Council voted for the approval of the acad calendar shift. Majority voted for the shift for their own personal reasons. There were prior “consultations” to the students regarding the shift but many also voted for the shift. I think majority of them voted for it because they want to have a 4-month vacation. But come on people, who needs a 4-month vacation but suffer irrevocable consequences?

This action cannot be easily undone and who else will suffer more but the faculties, right? They have to engage in new ways to make their students learn better in hot, summer days. Students have an option whether or not to go to school but faculties don’t have that option: they need to go to school even if they only have 3 students for the day. Aside from that, the school also needs to renovate their classrooms to make it a conducive learning space. A state university cannot afford these kind of renovations especially now that the government had cut off the budget.

Change, as they say, is inevitable, but I think this change can be suppressed. This calendar shift is not necessary. We adapted the current setting because our climate dictates us to, while their proposed academic calendar is dictated by selfishness and peer pressure. How can we embrace the internationalization if we are not even united as a nation? Not everyone is nationalistic as the people who experienced war and fought for our country. Many of us just standby and let our minds get polluted by the foreign standards. It is toxic how we are so dependent to other countries (special mention to the United States of America, and yes, we are their unofficial colony). However impossible it may be, we need to stand on our own feet and not just be puppets to what the “big” countries prescribes us to follow. We are not them. We don’t have the same climate. We don’t have the same people, the same resources. We should stop imitating them . We need to fix our internal problems first before having foreign people influence us

We need to get armed before engaging in academic battles. We need to reclaim the top spot in Asia and not just waste resources.

*The reason why I am writing this is just to express my thoughts about the shift. I do not belong to any of the political parties, infact, I am just a loner in the corner trying to express my thoughts here as I don’t have friends o debate with me over this matter.*

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Of Being Out-of-Place

So here I am, writing this post instead of writing the papers due this week and studying for my exams. I guess I can’t help but let this feeling out once and for all.

For once, I felt like I belong in there group. For once, I felt like somehow I belong. But, everything changed when I figured out I act as a replacement again. I can’t be doing that the other person was supposed to be doing with them. I can’t force myself not to think that they were thinking and wishing she was me instead. She’s more suited in their group. I mean, who would like a frank brat like me aside from my LDR BFFs? Who could understand my thoughts aside from the people who really knows me? I want to be read deep down inside. I don’t want people to judge me based on my superficial actions. I want them to overthink just like I do. This the reason why I am out-of-place. I don’t think like they do nor do I like what they are. I have my own world where only few people are allowed to enter. I am constantly in my mind palace thinking about the senseless things just to keep me preoccupied and unaware of the things that are happening nearby. I am such a loner even if I have friends on the outside. I hope someone out there might be able to understand this mixed feelings of mine.

I Quit

How do you open up to the world? How do you let things happen? How do you make sure that you are living?

I ask myself these questions every now and then and I still have not found the right answer. I tried being open to people but it seems like I lack the strength to continue. I always end up being hurt due to my impulsive, irrational actions. I forgot how to be happy. I forgot how to trust. I forgot how to be myself. I reason out that things might not be working out for me because I am forcing myself to be happy. I keep on thinking what others think instead of dwelling my life naturally. I am jealous of others because they learned to cope up well. I am jealous because they already found theirselves while here I am, drowning in my own predicament.

Attention-seeker

I seek for attention that I don’t deserve. I want them to notice me yet I don’t find a way. I wanted to be special but I couldn’t. I don’t have real dreams, just broken ones. I can’t let go of the disappointments you people brought me. I can’t forget how you abandoned me. I keep on asking myself for answers yet I get the selfish ones. I just wanted this to end, to let it pass. It’s been 4 years but I still feel the same. You should have told me if I have hurt you. I can’t accept the fact that it’s halfway gone. I can’t enjoy my life without you telling me I should forget about it all. I wanted to tell you people how badly you ruined me and my present criterias in judging a friend. I just couldn’t figure out how, without me saying curse words in the process. I don’t deserve to be treated that way and you don’t know that. I never had the apology I was expecting. I never had the guts to tell them they did something. It all boils down that I needed someone to blame. I blame you all this time.

Islands Away from Home

I just can’t get over it.

My mother has always been there to support me in things related to school, like accompanying me to a school contest or something, but I had never felt, or at least I forgot when was the last time that she treated me like I’m not a piece of a game. Making your child succeed is a parent’s ultimate dream but sometimes, parents forgot that it’s more than just that. They have to support the way their children grow, the way they think, the way they would deal with “real” life. I never lacked financial support from my parents as they always find way to make money and do their best to give me the quality education that I should have. If there’s one thing that my parents lack, that would be guidance and emotional support. I can’t tell them I feel this way because I don’t really know what’s my problem. Growing up, I had hard times saying just a simple ”Hello!” to people nice to me and building relationships with others. I don’t know how to deal with people in general. During high school, I wasn’t entirely like this because I have friends who I can constantly talk to, tell about my petty problems and sort-of-guide me along the way but now that I’m in college, I feel completely alone and stripped of all the possibilities of ever getting the happiness that I want. Just today, I was momentarily happy because I sort of made some friends but at the end of the day, I know that’s it’s gonna be me alone again. I have trust issues and I can’t tell anyone about it for the fear that will show me pity instead of the love and guidance that I seek. There were times that I wanted to seek a psychologist for fear that I’m losing my mind from overthinking but my feet won’t lead to the office. I constantly distract myself by studying or watching dramas/movies though I know that there’s an end to it and I’ll be completely miserable again. I have always wanted to talk to my mom or dad that I feel this way but I can’t open up infront of them. I don’t want to make them see me weak and vulnerable. I don’t want to make them know that they lack something for fear that they will feel miserable. Infact, all my worries go away whenever I’m with them. I always wish I live nearby and not a plane ride away. I always pray that I could be home every weekend and bond with my siblings. Now that I am entering adulthood, I don’t know where to put myself anymore. I don’t know if i could still go home on vacations or even on holidays in the years that will come. I have big dreams and it includes going out of the country and leaving home. I don’t know if I could survive that one when I’m having issues right now. This little problem of mine keeps popping out of my head everytime reality kicks in. Reality sucks big time. Reality is killing me. My imaginations are way cooler than it but it’s the one I can’t escape through. Right now, I just wanna dream about that moment when I was younger and my dad would tuck me to sleep and my mom would bake a cake for my birthday. I want to feel carefree and alive again. I want to let my feelings go without my parents ever knowing it. But in the end, I still can’t. I won’t be able move on if I can’t to settle this personal issue.

Lonely No More

It’s my 5th semester (including summer) at one of the biggest universities in the Philippines. I can say that a lot changed since the first time I got here. I experienced culture shock during my first two sems and sometimes I wonder if I totally got over it.  I’m not the loner type yet , I find myself constantly lonely. I just like being alone where I can be left alone with my thoughts but sometimes it hinders the opportunities I got to spend time with fellow humans. So after a few days of thinking and rethinking those things that bother me, I realized that ,setting God and my family aside, I am  never alone. I have friends though not all of them are “close” to me. I have people who make me laugh and smile and be myself. They may not be there every minute but I’m sure they will be there whenever I need them. I just have to reach out and let these feelings flow.